A Mugglenet FanFic

By: DanFan (aka Patty)

            A small town southern belle turned from her parents.  As they walked off, leaving her alone with her suitcases, she stared at the grand, scarlet Hogwarts Express.  Hundreds of young, bubbling kids excitedly piled into the long, roaring train.  Growing up in the greatest state EVER, Mississippi, DanFan knew little of the outside world, yet alone the world of magic.  Still, at the sweet age of sixteen, her parents hurled her into the unknown.  DanFan sighed, heaved her bags into her arms, walked a few steps, then resorted to dragging them, for her flabby arms were rather weak.  After gracefully stumbling onto the train, DanFan searched for an empty seat.  Before taking a few steps, a girl’s head popped in front of her face.

“Have you seen Jeremy, is he here, was he here, when did he leave?” the girl frantically asked.

“Um…,” DanFan started to reply.

But before DanFan could finish, the girl was called over by a voice.

“dannygurl! Over here!”

DanFan shrugged and carried on.  Suddenly a heap of chocolate frogs was dropped to her feet by a dark haired, green-eyed boy with a scar on his forehead.  DanFan gasped at his beauty. 

The boy said, “Pardon me,” as he reached down towards DanFan’s feet to pick up the chocolate frogs.  She cringed at the thought of the boy getting a glimpse of her enormous cankles.  However, because he didn’t seem to notice her rather large ankles and yell, “OMG, get some plastic surgery,” DanFan sighed in relief and continued on.  She passed several other full compartments before she reached one with three people.  She was about to sit down, but first decided to observe them. One was wearing nothing but a diaper and cowboy boots and seemed to be arguing with the girl sitting next to him.

The strange creature yelled, “NO skrewtie, PICKLES are better than Mexicans!”

Skrewtie replied, “NO pickles, MEXICANS are better!”

DanFan’s eyes then shifted to the girl sitting across from them.  She had countless earrings around her ear and was rapidly typing in her laptop.

“2437 servers, 8392 chatrooms, and 272 scripts! Muhahah, it keeps growing!!” the girl mumbled to herself.

On that note, DanFan picked up her things and carried on, hoping to find at least some half-sane people.  After navigating threw most of the train, DanFan was stopped once again, this time by a boy.

“Have you seen dannygurl, is she here, was she here, when did she leave?” the boy asked.

Before DanFan could reply, the boy was called over.

“Jeremy, over here!”

At this point, DanFan’s flabbyarms were too tired to shrug.  She finally reached a half empty compartment with two other girls.  DanFan plopped down, sighed, and tried to jingle some life back into her numb, flabby arms.

“Why `ello there, what’s your name?”

DanFan’s turned her head to the voice, which belonged to a pretty, yet simple blonde girl.

DanFan replied, “DanFan, what’s yours?”

“My name is Bella, BellaLestrange.  Can I call you Fanny?”

“Um…sure”

A roar of laughter came from the person in the seat across from them.  The girl laughed:

“Fanny? Bhahah, what kind of a name is that.  It sounds dirty for crying out loud!! Hi DanFan, I’m Weasleyismyking.”

The girls said there hellos and started conversing.

DanFan questioned “So, are yall new too?”

Bella broke in, “Oh no, I’ve been here ever since first year. It’s getting pretty dull around here. My life is terrible, and I do nothing but study, study, study. Yet, I cannot seem to get better grades than that stupid Hermione.  That little tart!”

“Oh here we go again,” said Weasley as she crossed her arms, rolled her eyes, then decided to write to a letter.

DanFan watched as Bella continued to growl to herself and mutter evil things as she looked out the window of the moving train.

DanFan looked at Weasley and questioned, “Who are you writing to, your parents?”

“Oh no.  I’m writing to my Japanese husbands, Japan is a very beautiful place”, Weasley simply replied.

***

Over in the compartment across from DanFan

“This is my seventh and final year, I’m going out with a BANG”, said a cute boy with a smile covering half of his face. 

“Oh, I’m sure you will, Az,” said a brown haired boy with striking, blue eyes, holding a biography of Hannibal.  “But, how can you top last year?” he continued as he returned to his reading.

“Oh, Kevin, believe me…there are ways.  Last year will be nothing compared to what I have in mind now,” Az replied has he rubbed his hands together and smiling even wider.

Kevin offered, “Maybe you could do something with animals, elephants even…Hannibal had elephants.”

“ELEPHANTS?!” Az yelled in disgust.  “Why would I use such a pathetic animal?!  I mean, ANY animal is better than an elephant…tigers, gators, razor backs, eagles, bulldogs…anything but elephants…pfft.”

“Uh, ok, sorry man, didn’t mean to offend you…oh wait, yes I did.”

Az continued, “Anyway, I’m thinking of using something…hmm…hot..burning…yes! Yes something really, really HOT!”

The door to the compartment busted open.  Music was blaring from a boombox.  In walked, or rather strutted, a tall, brown haired boy, with a blinding smile.  Two girls jumped up and down yelling, “I love you VagrantSirius, marry me, marry me!!”  Vagrant’s boombox, which was resting on his shoulder played loud, somewhat obnoxious music.

“I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!!” sang Vagrant as he danced for the girls.

Az and Kevin looked at him, and they were afraid, very afraid.  Then, as the girls’ screams grew louder, Vagrant ripped of his shirt off, causing a blue button to fly threw the air.  One girl’s scream came to a halt as the button pinged her in the eye, causing her to fall backwards.  The music stopped and silence filled the compartment.  Kevin leaned over her and said, “Great job Vagrant, you killed another one.”

“Uh..I didn’t mean to this time,” claimed Vagrant as he poked the dead girl.

Suddenly the girl’s eyes opened, and she leaped to her feet.

“OMG, OMG,” said the girl as she ran off, “everyone, look at what Vagrant gave me, look, look!”

The second girl crossed her arms and pouted, “That Dobby girl gets everything, its so not fair!” She moped off, following Dobby.

Vagrant grinned, looked at Az and Kevin, turned back on his boombox, and continued singing and dancing.

“I’m too sexy for my pants, too sexy for my pants…”

Kevin yelled, “Whoa, keep your pants on buddy!”

***

The Hogwarts Express Arrives at Hogwarts.  The sun is setting as the young witches and wizards enter the Great Hall to be sorted and enjoy the feast.

After the first years were sorted, the Sorting Hat continued to sort new students into their houses.  DanFan nervously took a seat as the Sorting Hat decided her fate.

“Gryffindor!” yelled the Hat.

The kids at the Gryffindor table cheered for DanFan as she made her way to find a seat.  DanFan saw Bella and Weasley waving earnestly for her to sit with them.  DanFan felt relieved she had met new friends.  While walking to the end of the table, she passed the same boy with the scar on his forehead.  As she walked by, the boy dropped a fork at her feet; DanFan froze as he started to reach down towards her colossal cankles.  But before he could reach the fork, DanFan dashed off, walking quickly to her seat.  DanFan arrived to the part of the table where Bella and Weasley were seated.  She noticed two boys sitting around them.

“Hey Fanny! Welcome to the Gryffindor table,” said Bella.

“Oh, thanks, I’m so happy I didn’t get Slytherin”.

“We all were,” commented Weasley.

Introducing DanFan to the boys across the table, Bella said, “That’s Az, and the other one is Kevin.”

The three said their hellos.  Then, various types of food filled the table, and the students digged in. 

Starting up a conversation, Weasley said to Az, “So, what did your parents do to you after the year ended last summer?”

“Oh, man, they were mad, I mean furious! But, it was definitely worth it,” Az laughed.

Kevin added, “Yeah, your prank was priceless.  I don’t think it’s possible to top it this year.”

“Like I’ve said, anything is possible. Just give me one division, and I’ll take that hill,” replied Az as he smiled to himself.

Everyone laughed.

Bella question, “But…how are you going to come up with a prank as good as last year’s without LadyBlack here?”

Az stopped smiling, “She’s not here??” Az looked around.

“No,” Bella replied. She answered, “I heard that her parents weren’t going to let her come back to Hogwarts.”

“Oh,” Az said a little bummed, “Well, I’ll think of something.”

Everyone sighed and looked a little down; no one said a word.

Trying to bring life to the conversation again, DanFan asked, “Well, what prank did ya’ll do last year.”

Everyone smiled as they looked at Az, waiting for him to tell his adventure.

“Well, last spring, around May,” Az started, “A fourth year, named LadyBlack approached me, asking for her help with prank.  Obviously, she had heard of my reputation as a prankster and class clown,” continued Az with a vain smile on his face. “Anyways, she claimed that she had a brilliant idea to get back at Professor Snape, who had given her a hard time in class.  However, she said she couldn’t do it alone,” Az paused.

“Well, what was it, what was the prank?” DanFan asked.

Az continued, “You see, Lady had been spying on Snape, trying to find a way to you know, stab him in the back, catch him red handed, things of that sort. Well, one night, she followed Snape outside.  She noticed him go over to the lake and strip off his clothes.”

Bella and Weasley gasped in disgust.  Kevin just shook his head.

Az went on, “Lady then saw Snape dive into the lake for a little skinny dipping.  The next day she approached me with the idea of draining the lake and filling it with quick sand.  So, I got the quick sand, don’t ask me how I did, and later that night we planned to take action.  While Lady looked out for Snape, I drained the lake and filled it with the quick sand. Don’t ask me how I got it.  Then a few minutes later, we watched as Snape walked out to the lake for his nightly swim.  He proceeded to strip down to nothing and dived in!!  Needless to say, he sunk.

The table exploded with laughter.

Az laughed and continued, “Anyways, we got caught by Dumbledore. I’m not really sure how he found out it was us, but he did.  So we both were suspended and received failing grades on our final exams.”

“It’s a shame Lady can’t be here. Well, good luck without her Az,” said Kevin.

As the group continued eating dessert, DanFan glanced up and saw a dark, hooded figure walk behind Az and Kevin.  DanFan blinked; she had thought dementors were a thing of the past.  Bella and Weasley also glanced up and stared with wide eyes at the person, or thing under the dark cape.  It stood directly behind Az and started to breathe rather deeply, causing his cowlick to wave back and forth.  Both Az and Kevin simultaneously turned to face the dark figure.  Everyone stared at it for an extremely awkward thirty seconds before Kevin croaked out, “You know, not everyone can pull off this look you have going on here.  Props to you.”  The dark figure then walked away without saying a word.

“What was that all about??” asked DanFan.

Everyone kind of muttered, “Erm….uh….er….dunno.”

Again changing the conversation, Weasley said, “Well, I wonder when little Miss GabriellePotter-Malfoy is going to arrive?”

Bella said, “You know, she and her friends always like to make a grand entrance.”

DanFan questioned, “Who is GabriellePotter-Malfoy?”

Az answered, “Gabby’s a rich, third year legend.  Her family is filthy rich….they are also pure-bloods, so she’s in Slytherin.  She and her friends are the most loved, hated, and feared people at Hogwarts.”

“Feared? Is she scary?” asked DanFan

Kevin laughed, “Ha, she’s just fierce, so we call her Big G.  She doesn’t take crap from anyone.”

“Yeah, she’s just a third year, but she seemed to fight her way to the top.  Everyone knows her, and everyone wants to be her,” added Weasley.

“Pfft! I don’t want to be her!” yelled Bella in a quite offended tone.

“Yeah yeah, we know Bella,” Kevin said.

Bella shifted around in her seat.

Just as all the students and teachers were finishing up their meals, the doors to the Great Hall slowly swung open.  Everyone’s head immediately turned to the doors.  GabriellePotter-Malfoy slowly entered with her head held high, and her nose slightly sticking up.  Following close behind her, two other girls walk in. 

DanFan whispered to Bella, “Is that Gabby?”

“Yes, and the two girls behind her are VictoriaG and Narcissa_M. The are her posse,” Bella answered, rolling her eyes.

Gabby and her posse were wearing short, Slytherin cheerleading skirts, and Gabby sported a snake bellyring.

Bella continued, “Why are those morons wearing their quidditch cheerleading uniforms?! There isn’t even a match today. Geez, showoffs!”

As Gabby, VictoriaG, and Narcissa_M walked over to the Slytherin table, all eyes followed them.  Some people were whispering, some just silent. 

Dumbledore coughed and said, “Well, I suppose better late than never girls.”

Gabby nodded, smiled innocently, and took a seat next to Draco.  VictoriaG and Narcissa_M sat near her.

Draco turned from Pansy Parkinson to give Gabby all of his attention.  DanFan could tell Pansy was jealous.  Gabby just smiled and made sweet eyes at Draco as she filled her plate with food.

Bella blurted out, “I hope she gets fat from all that food!”

“Well, you know what Gabby always says, ‘I can eat whatever I want and never get fat’,” Weasley said in a high pitched voice, imitating Gabby.

Bella sneered, “It’ll catch up to her one day, just wait and see.”

After the feast was finished, tired students made their ways up to the common rooms.  Gabby was surrounded by swarms of students, trying to gain her approval.  DanFan passed by a group of first years.

“GabriellePotter-Malfoy seems so popular. I want to be just like her!” one first year girl said.

“Yeah! Me too,” said another.

***

DanFan and Bella walk up to the Gryffindor common room

As Bella and DanFan walk up to the Gryffindor common room, they pass a group of girls sitting in a group in the hallway.  Their focus was centered on VagrantSirius, who was playing a slow, romantic balled on his violin.  Vagrants face was deep in concentration, as he felt the mood of the song.  The girls were wiping tears that were streaming down their faces.

“He’s so beautiful, and his music sounds like an angel,” whimpered one girl.

Another sobbed, “He’s so romantic and sensitive.”

After Vagrant finished his song, he stood up, causing all the girls to throw themselves towards him.

They all screamed, “I love you VagrantSirius, marry me, marry me!!”

“Omg, silly fangirls!! Pfft!” spouted Bella. “Why don’t they get a grip on themselves.  He’s not that great!”

DanFan laughed.  However, she noticed Bella glancing back at Vagrant as he strutted away from the screaming girls.  A soft smile spread across her face.

***

DanFan, Weasley, and Bella unpack their belongings in their room

Looking at her schedule, Bella said, “I have such a busy schedule this year.  Maybe I’ll pass Hermione once and for all!! Bweheheheh!!”

Raising an eyebrow, Weasley sarcastically replied, “Uh….sure…yeah, Bella.”

Bella didn’t pay attention to Weasley’s tone.  She stood next to the window, with a gazed look on her face. 

DanFan was putting her robes into a drawer, when she heard a crash.  DanFan quickly turned to see what had made the noise.  One of Weasley’s Japanese vases was shattered to pieces on the floor.  Weasley stood in shock, staring at the doorway.  The dark, hooded figure everyone had seen earlier that day was standing in the doorway.  Bella, Weasley, and DanFan stood motionless, as the figure floated into the room, over to the fourth bed.  It, too, started unpacking its dark, cape-like belongings in the drawers.  Without saying a word, the three girls slowly walked out of the room, without looking at the figure.  Once they were in the Gryffindor common room, they turned to each other.

“What the heck is that!?” screamed Bella.

“Is it a student!?” asked Weasley.

“Omg, that think is creepy looking!” added DanFan.

Bella asked, “What are we going to do. Are we suppose to be living with that thing!?”

DanFan and Weasley shrugged.  The worried girls stayed down in the common room until midnight, when they decided to venture back up, hoping the figure had disappeared, or at least fallen asleep.  Once they were back in their room, they noticed the black figure still wearing the dark cape, sleeping in the bed.  Weasley’s eyes lit up, and she started to tip toe over to the figure’s bed.

Bella whispered franticly, “Weasley, what are you doing!?  Get away from that thing!”

Weasley ignored her and continued to approach the sleeping figure.  Weasley’s face moved close to it, as if she was trying to see who was under the cape.

“NO!” Bella suddenly screamed.

Upon hearing the scream, the figure popped up and snorted.  Weasley jumped into her bed and covered her head with the covers.  DanFan and Bella did the same.  DanFan peeked her eyes out from under the cover to see if the figure had awakened.  The figure stirred around for a moment before falling back asleep.  The girls couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

***

DanFan and Weasley sleepily walk out of the Great Hall, after breakfast, and walk to their DADA class.

Weasley yawns, “I didn’t get one wink in last night.”

“Neither did I,” added DanFan.

“When I saw that thing get up and leave, I was so relieved it didn’t try to hack us up to pieces.”

“Yeah, me too,” DanFan replied.

Trying to sound cheerful, Weasley said, “So, I wonder who’s going to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year, since Hogwarts can’t seem to keep one around.”

DanFan shrugged.  The two walked into the DADA class and saw Kevin sitting by himself, reading a history book.  DanFan and Weasley walked over to sit with him.

“DanFan, Weasley,” Kevin simply said to acknowledge their presents.

“Hey,” replied Weasley and DanFan simultaneously, in a drowsy manner.

Kevin said sarcasticly, “Wow, you guys are just jumping off the walls today.”

DanFan and Weasley just nodded, while staring mindlessly into space.

The doors to the DADA slowly swung open.  Gabby and her posse, VictoriaG and Narcissa_M, strolled to the front of the classroom.  All eyes followed them.  Gabby flipped her hair and sat down in front of DanFan, Weasley, and Kevin.  VictoriaG reached into her robe and pulled out a mirror and handed it to her posse leader.  Gabby started to admire herself and made pouty lips.

Narcissa_M asked Gabby, “So, how are you and Jester doing?”

Gabby’s face strickened. She replied, “Uh, okay…”.

“Just okay?” questioned VictoriaG.

Gabby handed Victoria back the mirror, she didn’t say anything.

“Gabby?! Do you not like him anymore?” asked NarcissaM.

“Well, its just….oh…I don’t know,” Gabby said insecurely.

DanFan whispered to Weasley and Kevin, “Who’s this Jester?”

Weasley answered, “Gabby and Jester used to date last year, but he’s not here anymore, he’s in….”

Kevin broke in, “Nam, Jester’s in Nam.”

“Oh,” said DanFan.

Weasley turned around to see who else was in their class.

“OOooo..Is that new boy Japanese?” asked Weasley.

Without waiting for an answer, she jumped up to say hello to the new student.  DanFan turned to watch Gabby and her posse again.

“I…I…I don’t want to talk about Jester anymore,” Gabby quickly said to her friends.

The doors of the room opened once again.  A handsome, yet, young man walked into the room and put his briefcase on the desk.  The girls in the classroom gasped and sighed at his good looks.  Gabby in particular became googly-eyed and gitty as he introduced himself to the class.

“Hello.  I’m Professor Buckbeak.  I, too, went to Hogwarts and graduated a couple years ago.  My favorite class was the Defense Against the Dark Arts, so I accepted the job.  Now, let’s begin shall we.  Open your books to page five.”

Gabby turned to VictoriaG, “Oh…my….gah….he is so hot!”

VictoriaG nodded in agreement.  Gabby started smiling and making eyes at Professor Buckbeak, as he began teaching the class.  She then “accidentally” flung her parchment to the ground.

“Oops,” Gabby innocently giggled.

When Professor Buckbeak picked it up for her, Gabby took the parchment and gave him a wink.  He looked surprised, but returned a smile to her.  Gabby crossed her legs and watched Professor Buckbeak closely for the rest of the class.

“Can someone give everyone a handout I have for the homework tonight?” asked Professor Buckbeak.

Gabby quickly raised her hand to volunteer; however, the professor asked a girl named Phyre to do it.  Gabby glared at her in jealousy.

Giving Gabby the handout, Phyre said, “How was your summer, Gabby?”

Gabby spouted, “Why don’t you just do your job and not talk to people all the time Phyre!!”

Phyre quickly walked away. 

Once class was over, DanFan turned to leave. She saw the dark figure floating out of the classroom.

***

DanFan, Weasley, Bella, Vagrant, Az, and Kevin are in the Great Hall for lunch.

Weasley started, “Has everyone seen the new DADA teacher? He’s not to shabby looking, if I say so myself.  He’s not even Japanese.”

“Well, yes Weasley, Professor Buckbeak is cute, but….that’s not what’s important.  What matters is if he is a good teacher,” replied Bella.

“Oh yes Bella, go head, suck the fun out of everything,” sneered Weasley.

Bella shrugged, “I’m just saying…”

Vagrant broke in, “Let’s not talk about Professor Buckbeak, let’s talk about me!”

As Vagrant spoke, a group of girls walked by the table, giggling and swooning over him.  Feeling the need to perform for the girls, Vagrant jumped onto the table.  He took out his boombox, turned on some music, and started catwalking down the table, stepping over everyone’s food.  Once he got to the end of the table, he struck a pose, and quickly turned around, flipping his head.  The group of girls jumped up and down, screaming, “I love you Vagrant, marry me, marry me!!”  One girl even fainted.  Az took notice of Vagrant’s popularity and took action.  He, too, jumped on to the table, and copied Vagrant’s catwalk. 

“What the..?” Kevin asked, raising an eyebrow.

Az continued strutting down the table runway, and struck a pose.  He flashed a winning smile, as the girl started turning there attention to Az.

“Marry me, Az, marry me!” the girls screamed as they jumped up and down with glee.

Kevin sighed, shaking his head he said, “We’ve lost another one.”

Weasley and Bella nodded.  DanFan just laughed.  Az and Vagrant turned and started catwalking to the middle of the table, towards each other.  They met in the middle of the table and looked at each other with blank expressions.  Everyone watched with curiosity to see what the two were going to say. Without speaking, Az and Vagrant suddenly started breaking out in a choreographed dance, mimicking each others move.  This caused the girls to go even wilder.  They screamed and started reaching on to the table to try and rip clothing off of them, or at least touch one.  Noticing that the screaming mob of fans was becoming unruly, Az and Vagrant jumped off the table and started running for their lives.

“Let’s split up!” yelled Vagrant, as he turned a corner, opposite of Az.

Az listened and ran to a deserted hall.  Az panted and smiled to himself.  He looked around the corner to make sure that he had lost sight of the screaming girls.  Close behind his neck, Az felt and heard deep, heavy breathing.  He gulped as he turned his head to see what was behind him.  The dark, caped figure was staring into his eyes. 

“I’ve been looking for you, Az,” the dark figure said in a deep, low voice.

Az’s eyes widened.  He didn’t reply, as he began to run away, again, for his life.