Harry Potter, resident of 4 Privet Drive was not your normal sixteen- year- old boy, thank you very
much. As a matter of fact, he was about as abnormal a boy as there can be in this world full of freaks,
geeks, nerds, and jocks. Unlike most teenagers you’re apt to find, Harry Potter was a wizard in training.
For the past five years he has been attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a school for those in Great
Britain who possess a couple drops of magic inside their blood. But even for a wizard, Harry was still
not normal. His name and persona was legend, his deeds widely known and his family name widely respected.
Harry Potter had run afoul of the most evil witches and wizards alive in his sixteen years of living, including the
most evil of them all: Voldemort. Harry had been a year old when his parents were deprived
from him by the Dark Lord Voldemort, but when Voldemort went to kill Harry, the killing curse rebounded off the baby Harry
and struck Voldemort instead, leaving him virtually powerless.
In Harry’s first year at Hogwarts he ran into Voldemort again and survived the encounter, leaving Voldemort’s
plans to return to power ruined. But at the end of Harry’s fourth year at Hogwarts, Voldemort’s
plans to return to his body succeeded, but Harry was able to escape death once again. Just one month prior
to today, Harry had met Voldemort again and survived once more. But surviving the encounter with Voldemort
had its negatives as well, Sirius Black, Harry’s Godfather and the closest thing he had to a father, was killed in a
battle with one of Voldemort’s faithful servants. His loss had been difficult to bear.
Now, Harry sat in the guest bedroom of his Uncle Vernon’s and Aunt Petunia’s house, reading a letter from
Hogwarts, announcing the additions of several new students from across the globe, but mainly from the United States.
The letter read:
To the Students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry:
As you all know Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
has long been a school for only up and coming witches and wizards from Great Britain, but recent events have forced the Hogwarts
Staff to change this policy. With the return of Voldemort, several schools of magic have been attacked
by his faithful followers and have left many of the students without a school to return to. Hogwarts has
become one of three schools to volunteer to take in these unfortunate boy and girls so as to continue to advance their magical
education.
Albus Dumbledore
Headmaster, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Harry was curious as to how these students would get along with him and his fellow classmates. Students
from America, he wondered, was Dumbledore sure that this was a good idea. Glancing at the letter one last
time, Harry noticed how late it was and turned in for the night.
Several hours later, across the wide expanse of the Atlantic Ocean, two lone seventeen year olds were walking towards
the large stadium in Houston, Texas known as the Astro Dome with the intention of creating mischief.
“Are you sure this is the one?” asked a rather nervous Wade Gardner.
“Of course,” his friend replied with a smile, “I know what the Astro Dome looks like.”
“What sport do they play here? Quidditch?” asked Wade.
“No, they play a sport called baseball here.” Wade’s friend replied.
The two stopped and stared up at the stadium that rose into the air like a shadow in the gathering darkness.
“So,” Wade began after several minutes of silence, “Do you want to do the honors or should I?”
“I’ll do them.” Wade’s companion replied quickly.
Wade handed him the wand and began to back up slowly from the stadium as his friend moved slowly forward, excitement
etched on his face. Then he stopped, raised his wand and shouted, “Nucleoem!”
A bright red flash of light emitted from the end of Wade’s wand and hit the dome with a roar of fury.
In an instant, the Astro Dome was set ablaze and the two arsonists gave a cry that could only be the Rebel Yell.
“Okay!” Shouted Wade’s friend, “Let’s get out of here!”
And, with that, the two friends disappeared into thin air.
A few miles away, hermypotter was enjoying a late night snack when she looked out the window to see a bright red glow
appearing over the horizon. She could distinctly hear the sounds of a hundred fire engines heading towards
the red glow and wondered aloud what was going on. Turning on Fox News Channel, she saw the Muggles talking
about what had just happened.
“Heraldo,” the anchorwoman began, “can you describe what you are seeing in the Houston area?”
“Yes, Greta.” Heraldo began over the phone, “The Houston Astro Dome has just been brilliantly lit
up by flames that seem to stretch on forever into the night sky over the Houston area. I’ve just
been talking to Fire Chief Henry Blake and he tells me that the fire spread so quickly that it simply defies logic.”
“Can you tell me how they plan to fight this fire, which you say goes on forever into the night sky?” Greta
inquired.
“Yes, Greta, there is serious talk of just allowing the fire to burn itself out because this thing is just HUGE!
Everyone is baffled because fire, as you know, can not burn on steel…but it seems to be doing that right now.”
“Thank you, Heraldo.” Greta finally said, “Heraldo Rivera everyone. Now, coming
up next on “On the Record” what lies in store for Michael Jackson as everyone in the United States seems to be
suing him, we’ll talk with chief law analyst Michael Suttles when we come back from the break. Stay
tuned.”
Hermypotter turned off the TV and looked out the window towards the brilliant red glow in the night sky.
“It couldn’t be…” she breathed.
“God why does this state have to be so small.” Gave an aggravated KevinIsZeus. The blue-eyed
prankster known as KevinIsZeus was reading in the New York Times about how flat and boring the state of Vermont had gotten
over the years since colonization. Vermont, whether Kevin liked it or not, was not the state to live in
if you wanted to draw attention to yourself. Why not live in New York City where bad things happen everyday?
Or why not live in Alabama where racists and bible loving freaks watch the sport of College Football while drinking
beer inside their mobile homes? Why not live in Texas where you could freely hunt down illegal Mexicans?
Of all the places Kevin had to be born it, Vermont of all places was chosen.
“Vermont’s vote in Congress is virtually non-existent,” Kevin continued to read in the article, “Vermont
is also a state that is too poor to apply for agricultural subsidies.” He paused for a moment before saying finally,
“I guess the Times are getting us back for becoming a Republican state.” Sighing he finished the article and threw
the paper away. Going outside for a quick walk, he contemplated what it would be like to leave the States
and go to Great Britain to finish off his final two years at Hogwarts.
“Man,” he finally sighed, “this is gonna bite!”
“Don’t bite into the disgusting part!” Gave a voice from behind him that sounded slightly Irish.
Kevin turned to see VagrantSirius, his old schooling buddy, coming up from behind him.
“Hey, Rant.” Kevin smiled, “When’d you leave Chicago?”
“I just came from Bella’s?” He replied grimly.
“Uh-oh. From the look on your face it wasn’t a very pleasant meeting.”
“No, it wasn’t.” Vagrant sighed, “Not only did she call me a jerk but her parent cursed me
out in Russian, or at least I think they did.”
“So,” Kevin began, “You not only talk to a Communist in school, but you also go to a Communist’s
house to say ‘hello’?”
“Sue me.” Vagrant replied coolly.
“I don’t have the time or money to sue you.” Kevin replied.
“So…” Kevin began but decided not to ask the question he’d been meaning to ask Vagrant since
they left the New York Academy of Magic, knowing that it could make his friend angry.
“Did you watch the muggle news last night?” Vagrant finally offered.
“No, what happened?”
“I
think Az did what we didn’t think he was going to do.”
“You’re joking!”
“Nope, the Astro Dome burst “mysteriously” into flames last night.” Vagrant smiled.
“That boy is crazy.” Kevin sighed.
“I know, but he can’t help it, that’s the way he is.”
“How’d you find out about it? Did you see the newscast?”
“No, Hermy owled me this morning. She saw some red glow outside of her window and turned on
the news and there it was.”
“I think that Az will be bragging about it when he sends his Owl to me.” Kevin smiled.
“He may be laying low for the next week or so, he’d be in big trouble if the ministry finds out that it
was him who started the blaze.”
“They won’t, he probably used a wand that he got off the black market.” Kevin said smartly.
“Fifty Galleons says that Az gets caught.” Vagrant said, extending his hand to Kevin.
Kevin sized the situation up, smiled, and then took the hand.
“You’re on.” Kevin said, letting go of Vagrant’s hand.
“HE DID WHAT?!” Screamed GabriellePotter-Malfoy. She was in shock
as she stared at the pictures on the television of the ruins of the Astro Dome. She was on the phone with
Hermy, not being able to believe that one of her own classmates would dare do such a thing as burn down the Astro Dome.
“He said he was going to do it since just after the Christmas Holidays, I wasn’t surprised.” Came
Hermy’s voice over the phone.
“How could you not be surprised?!” bellowed Gabby, “Just because he said he was going to do it doesn’t
mean he would!”
“Calm down!” Hermy answered.
“Calm down?! Calm down?! How can I be calm when Az messed with Texas?!”
“Don’t forget I’m from Texas too.” Hermy replied casually.
“How can you be so calm about this?” Gabby asked.
“Because I am drying my dernest not to laugh my butt off. I laughed myself to sleep last night!”
“How could you laugh yourself to sleep when he messed with Texas?! Isn’t that our number
one rule? Don’t mess with Texas!” Gabby said in quick, gasping breaths.
“Gabs, it’s over. Don’t get worked up over it, let the state take care of rebuilding
it, you just keep your mouth shut and don’t get Az in trouble.” She said.
“Whatever,” Gabby snarled, “Like I was going to tell on Az anyways, he’s too funny and clever
to be arrested.”
“My thoughts exactly!” Hermy replied with a laugh.
“Lord Vader…” Came a voice from the movie screen.
“Yes, master?” A sinister voice replied.
“Riiise!”
With that, the entire movie theater rose up and cheered, including LadyBlack. LadyBlack, a California
girl who loved Star Wars with a passion, rose up out of her seat and began to duel with her best friend with the lightsabers
they had bought in front of the theater before they came in.
“Go Vader! Go Vader!” Came a chant from behind them as the theater
began to reach a height of noise that had never been reached inside of a movie.
About twenty minutes later, LadyBlack and her friend Narcissa_M came out of the theater and began to talk fanatically
about what they had just seen.
“George Lucas is a genius.” Lady repeated over and over.
“We’re gonna be late for lunch at the mall with Az, he’s going to tell us how it went last night.”
“I don’t care, Cissa,” Lady replied, “George Lucas is a genius.”
“Right. Come on.”
“Pero la mamá que yo no quiero ir
a Hogwarts!” Came the pleading cries of VictoriaG as she sat down to her evening meal.
“Usted va a Hogwarts y eso es el fin
de la discusión.” Her mother replied coolly, trying not to raise her voice.
“Yo no quiero ir a una escuela donde ellos nunca han oído del Padrino antes!” Vicky said, continuing to
plea.
“¿El Padrino?” Her mother replied. “Vicky, es apenas una película.”
“No es apenas una película, la madre, es uno de las películas más grandes jamás hecho. Tiene Marlon Brando en
ello.” Vicky replied, taking the offensive in the conversation.
“Escuche Vicky,” Vicky’s mother began, “Usted Sabe Que' los seguidores de s destruyeron su
escuela vieja y Hogwarts era suficiente generoso tomarle en cuando otras escuelas no quisieron algo que ver con usted. Usted
va, y eso es mi.”
Vicky sighed, knowing that the conversation was lost, she continued her meal without another word on the subject
“So how’d you do it?”
LadyBlack asked Az, wonder and awe in her voice. They were seated on the outside of a café on Rodeo Drive
in Beverley Hills.
“ I used that pyro- nuclear spell you told me just before we got out of school.” Az replied with a wide
grin.
“Will you get caught?” Cissa asked him.
“Heck no, I never get caught…well…I have been caught once…twice…maybe twenty times.”
“Yeah,” Lady chuckled, “like that time last year when you set Professor Kerry’s large chin
on fire.”
“He deserved it,” Az replied, “He doesn’t run for president against the Bushie without paying
for it. He lost anyways.”
“The Bushie?” Cissa asked, “Since when do you call him that?”
“I’ve called him that since Day One. I don’t like it when a wizard runs for a
muggle job. Since when do we care about what goes on in the Muggle World? He tried to
make himself look like a Vietnam hero…those “wounds” of his were a creation that came out of his wand.”
“Why didn’t you hit Kerry’s house over the summer instead of blowing up the Astro Dome?” Lady
asked, “You seem to hate him enough.”
“Because Gabby said that I couldn’t in a million years blow the Astro Dome up. So, I
decided to do that. And finally, it’s too cold in Massachusetts. I prefer a warmer
climate like…like…Texas.”
“You do know that Gabby is going to try to kill you when we go to Hogwarts, don’t you?” Cissa asked
trying to sound grave.
“Who cares?” Az replied, “She’s a girl…I think I can take her.”
“You’re being ‘sexiest’, Az.” Lady said in a bored tone.
“Who cares? It’s the truth!”
“All right now, Mrs. Vick.” Came Vicky’s American supplier, “You do know that Don Vito is a
top notch mafia man, don’t you?”
“I don’t care,” Vicky replied in perfect English, “I want it done right so I need to speak
with the Godfather.”
“Now he’s come all the way down from New York to see you so whatever you have to say, it had better be
good.” Her American friend said as they walked down the alleyways of her native town.
“There he is.” The American said.
“Gracias Sonny.”
Vicky went down the alleyway and met with Don Vito.
“Vicky why have you called your Godfather all the way down from New York? Please be quick,
I have a meeting tomorrow with the heads of the five families.”
“I want you to do a service for me.” Vicky said.
“And what is that?”
“I want you to blow up Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”
The Godfather and his bodyguards began to laugh insanely.
“What? What did I say?” Vicky inquired, confused.
“You want to blow up Hogwarts?”
“Uh, yeah!”
“VictoriaG, VictoriaG…never has anyone talked to me like that with such disrespect. I
have come all the way down from New York to meet with my Goddaughter and I find myself talking to a total stranger.
You don’t even end your sentences with the word ‘Godfather’.”
“I’m sorry, Godfather.”
Don Vito nodded in understanding.
“But you must do what I beg you to do.”
“That I can not do, that school is too well protected. And I don’t really think that
the British Ministry of Magic would appreciate their school of learning being destroyed in the middle of their second war
against the Dark Lord.”
“How is Tom doing these days?” Vicky asked.
“Ah, he’s as ugly as hell, but he still has that famous sense of humor he had back at the academy in 1943.
He still thinks he opened up the Chamber of Secrets and still thinks himself to be the Heir of Slytherin.”
“Godfather, I think he is the Heir of Slytherin.” Vicky replied.
“I don’t think so…where is…Luca.”
“Yes, Don Corleone?” A tall, ugly guy from behind the Godfather asked.
“Is Tom Riddle the heir of Slytherin?”
“Not according to our teenage contact in Maryland.” Luca replied with a stone cold face that scared the
crap out of Vicky.
“Thank you, Luca…now go into that pastry shop over there and get me a doughnut. And…oh…”
Vicky watched in horror as her Godfather took two rather large cotton balls out of his mouth and put them into Luca’s
hand.
“Get me another set of these at the drug store.”
“Yes Don Corleone.”
Luca did as told and walked away.
“Now, before I leave, I must ask if there is any thing else you ask of me.” The Godfather inquired to Vicky.
“No, Godfather…unless you can tell me who this contact of yours in Maryland is.”
“You will find out who she is soon enough,” The Godfather smiled, “She’s on her way to Hogwarts…my
son Michael will be going to Hogwarts this year as well.”
“Well, thanks anyways, Godfather.” Vicky said, hugging Don Vito.
“I don’t want you to deal with my sort of people anymore, Vicky.” The Godfather said while they were
still embraced. “You still have your life to live and I don’t want you to get too involved
with my business, it’s not as pleasant as you make think it is. Now, go home and take care of your
family.”
Vicky began to walk off.
“Hey, just out of curiosity, why do you want to destroy that school.”
Vicky turned back to face Don Vito and said with a frown, “Because I don’t want to go to school with this
boy named Harry Potter.”
“From what I hear,” The Godfather began, “If all goes according to plan, the Dark Lord will have
taken care of Harry Potter by June of next year.”
“That’s interesting,” Vicky replied, “But I still want Hogwarts to burn.”
